This weekend, I’m losing my virginity. I’ve held onto it for too long. I’m tired of the sweaty palms and clenched stomach. It’s like, time already. So this is it.

I’m going to my first writing conference.

Just saying it aloud helps. And I found the best conference to do the dirty deed: the YA Writing Conference in Austin. I’ve done my homework, packed my bags, and compiled a list of things to do at any writing conference to guarantee success. I’ll share them with you now, because I’m a gracious kinda’ gal:

1. Anytime you see an agent, leap into their path and demand they listen to your pitch. Also, be sure to subtly reach one hand into your jacket. A little intimidation never hurts.

2. Bring a rolling suitcase. This will make you look prepared…and awesome. Pack it with at least 10 full manuscripts. Shove said manuscripts forcefully into agents’ chests. They’ll take it, don’t you worry.

3. Don’t fret about what agents are looking for. They’re looking for what you wrote. Know why? Because you’re super-fly. When in doubt, resort back to forceful shoving.

4. Don’t just approach agents, stalk them. Find out where they’re having lunch or dinner…or where they’re sleeping. They came to meet writers, right? Well ,then?

5. Forget dressing business-casual. Go business-confident. Grab a tux, a top hat, and cane. Who has two thumbs and looks ready to meet some agents? You do.

6. Finally, don’t attend any of the classes. That’s not what you came for. Instead, slink around the hallways awaiting unsuspecting agents. If you spot one, chase them down with your rolling suitcase. Winner!

 

I firmly believe with these tips in tow, I’ll be a rep’d writer by Saturday night. Remember, if it works for me, it can work for you.

 

PS – Keep writing!