Molly Jaffa is a rock star. Seriously. By day, she works as an agent for Folio Literary Management. But when the sun goes down, this southern belle wrestles alligators like the champion she is. Read below to see her fab answers to my ultra-serious, ultra-professional questions.

1) There are only two jobs left in the world: alligator groomer and monkey charmer. Which do you choose?

I love my job, so I’d be really sad about that! I’d choose alligator groomer, because I think the monkey would be a little too cheery for me to deal with while I’m crying over the sudden dearth of publishing jobs. The alligator and I could wallow in mud together. And chomp angrily at people. And ROAAAR about the inhumanity of it all.

 

2) You just ate the last piece of someone else’s birthday cake. What is your excuse?

Probably that I made the cake, thus giving me the right to finish it off if I am in dire need of yumminess. I will, of course, bake the birthday person another one pronto to atone for my sins. I’ve been on a real baking kick lately, and I have the battle scars (burns) to prove it. I’m very clumsy.

 

3) Every time you sneeze, something terrible happens. What is it?

My eyeballs would pop out of my head and roll away from me, and I’d have to run around blindly trying to find them. This is an actual fear of mine. I’ve always tried to stifle my sneezes—I’m a Southern Girl by birth, so sneezing noiselessly seems like the polite thing to do. But then the sneeze sort of blows backward into your head instead of coming out in an “ah-choo!” So what if the inverted pressure makes my eyes pop out one of these days? Disaster!

 

4)  In the future, people choose their own eye color. The more outrageous, the better. What is your future eye color?

Tiger’s eye! Then I could drive around with my windows down, blaring Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger” and shooting people intense tiger stares.

 

5) Would you rather be called the Crazy-Cat-Lady, or the Crazy-Lady-Who-Sprays-Kids-With-A-Water-Hose-From-Her-Front-Porch? Why?

Oh, definitely the Crazy Lady Who Sprays Kids With A Water Hose From Her Front Porch. It’s more active, and a lot more fun. Plus, the kids would probably really like it. By the time I’m old enough to contemplate Cat Lady-hood, I hope to be like Ouiser from Steel Magnolias. She’s fierce—a total Water Hose Lady!

 

Hope you enjoyed this interview. To learn more about the incredible Molly Jaffa, visit her bio page.