I have a firm belief that blogs should be used to entertain, rather than spew personal feelings no one wants to read. But today… Today I need to break my own rule, because I got serious demons to purge.
Less than two years ago, I started writing on the reals. On the reals = most days of the week. At first, it was magnificent, hypnotic, invigorating…like a new super-steamy relationship. But like all relationships, this one morphed into different things over time. I experienced similar bouts of euphoria across the months, but that euphoria was mixed with depression and self-doubt. And recently, I’ve realized my relationship with writing and reading has plunged into something quite disturbing—obsession. In the past, when people teased me that I was obsessed with books, I laughed. But lately, I’ve stopped laughing and started listening, because I think I actually am…obsessed.
Writing and traditionally publishing a book is many writers’ dream. But it’s difficult. Like, insanely difficult. And when a difficult challenge is presented to competitive, determined people (like most writers have to be), it can lead to an unhealthy obsession—like my own dark devil.
Today, I’m recognizing my obsession for what it is: something that has devoured my passion for life. I wake up in the morning, and until the time I go to bed, my brain ticks away thinking about books. I go out to eat with my husband, and I’m thinking about revisions. I see a movie with my friend, and I wonder who wrote the screenplay. And every weekend, I count the hours until I can get back to my laptop.
I have given my life to books, which when you think about it, is pretty funny. As readers, we curl up and read these fantastic stories about people living exciting, turbulent lives. But what would MY life look like in print? Would people read it and be on the edge of their seats, or would they close it after one chapter and say, “Nothing is really happening?” I’m guessing the latter.
Today, I’ll make a vow. I will try…for the next 24 hours…to live the life of one of my characters and revel in it.
Today, I will live.
And maybe tomorrow…I’ll remember to live, too.